4 Little Known Ways to Create Your Own Perfect Circumstances: Lesson III

Most of our kids in Milami Primary School come from very humble backgrounds. That said, most of our articles are skewed to inspire our readers who may be in similar situations. Read on and learn a thing or two about how to overcome real-life challenges. One of the words we use in our everyday conversations; is ‘conditions’. It’s not only powerful, but many people have used it to create a ceiling limit for themselves.

 

Human beings don’t fail to act because of conditions that are not right. King Solomon’s translation in the living bible that’s found in Ecclesiastes 11:4 reads: “If you wait for perfect conditions, you will never get anything done” I do find this awesome. As you read this article, think of the people you know who are simply getting nothing done in their lives today merely because they are waiting for perfect (phantom) conditions.

 Waiting for the right conditions is commonplace with ordinary people; however, achievers (go-getters) create their own perfect conditions with their decisions. It is true! Your decisions oftentimes override your conditions.

  The Truth and Panacea of Blaming Imaginary Enemies

  Blaming your circumstances and doing nothing positive about it is a public display of a frozen mind. There is always a way out but the fact is, if you surely want to do something, you will surely find that ‘way out’. However, if you do not want to, then you will find an excuse and begin blaming conditions.

 For many centuries, ‘conditions’ has been a very close ally of losers. Once in a while, everything may seem great around your lifestyle-perhaps not as perfect but at least your plans are moving according to plan. And then, all of a sudden, hell breaks loose! You break up with a loved one, you get retrenched hence lose your job, became disabled due to a road accident; your health, or even your home. ‘I did not plan for this. ‘I did not see it coming’.’ I do not deserve this. ‘It is not fair. It is quite easy to idle around feeling bad; looking for someone to blame or complain to.

 Rehashing all you could have done to change your situation or make things happen in a different way. Or what people ought to have done to bail you out. Or what you could have done had you realized beforehand. If you really want to maximize your misery, then all these options are great. They will assist to justify you doing nothing about your current conditions. But if you want to deal with the situation and move on, then nothing is so great here. If you really desire to deal positively with the situation, there’s no shortage of opportunities-irrespective of your physical challenges.

 Real-Life Examples

Henry Wanyoike, a Kenyan athlete, became blind at age 20. He is a marathon runner and a talented one at that. When he got blind, a guide was attached to him, and was to practice every day with Henry. He went on relentlessly about achieving the best in his athletic career goals. Henry would have blamed his conditions.

  Obviously, there wasn’t anything positive about him losing his sight at age 20. And you know what, if Henry would have blamed his conditions, everybody would have perfectly understood him. Now the scary part comes-when everyone seemingly understands your conditions; hence do not expect much from you. This is because the people around you-those who condone your lack of action based on your conditions and excuses-don’t really like you.

 When I was in high school, we could experience power outages occasionally. I had to improvise some innovative ways to facilitate my reading despite the darkness. My action, then, was informed by the fact that the examiner would not consider my conditions when it was time to do the exams.

 At one instance, during international athletic competitions, Henry outran his guide who was assigned to him. In fact, he literally dragged his guide passed the finish line. In this scenario, Henry would have been excused for failing to win the race due to his slowing guide as a condition to heap his failure on. But, see what happens, he chose not to. His decision overrode his conditions. The following tips will help you improve on the 90% of your lifestyle, that is; how you respond to hurdles along the path of your life:

 1.   Acceptance

 Acceptance should be your keyword. Make it your priority number one. Handling a bad situation is more or less like dealing with grief. People often go through similar stages: anger, guilt, grief, pain, denial, pain, and some sort of bargaining. You might not be in a position to suppress your emotions fully. However, you can decide to accept what has happened, regardless of your feelings. The faster you accept, the quicker you can act from your current position.

 It is the ONLY way to change the way you feel. You must not wait until you experience changes in your feelings in order to act; rather you ought to initiate the action, and your feelings will automatically change.

 2.   Edit Your Vocabulary

First and foremost, you must get rid of the word fair from your dictionary’s vocabulary. When we were children, everything revolved around fairness. “You promised to buy me a new bicycle it is not fair!’. “She broke my train”-it is not fair! “I had that doll first-it is not fair” and the list goes on. You see, we hang on to how things should be. Hard work ought to be rewarded. Kindness ought to be reciprocated. If and when things fail to happen that way, we vent our anger at the world and feel bad inside of us. Feeling angry at the injustices of life often does not alter the fact that things take effect randomly; and that such happenings take place beyond your control. When you begin to spiral around an unfair circus, you better remind yourself this: “that’s what it is.” From there, choose a reactive option that’s in line with the way you would want your lifestyle to be.

 3.   Life Lesson

It is highly recommended under the circumstances that you pretend, that everyone is in the know-save for you, and; that everybody you meet is there to teach you a thing or two. In this way, anyone who frustrates or annoys; presents an opportunity for you to work on your inner patience. This very mindset can assist in improving how you interpret and the way you respond to different events in your life. If your relationship was shattered, perhaps the life lesson might be to create room for more independence. If you were involved in an accident and got disabled, maybe the lesson is to establish your true purpose. If you focus on the lesson, then your mind begins to work on positive changes thus, making you feel empowered rather than deflated.

 4.   Put Your Mind to a Task

 More often than not, we tend to convert petty upsets into monstrous catastrophes in our brains. Little things may appear horrible at the first impression. Of course, some of them, like losing a job, your love, home, etc can be very challenging. However, most of these situations can be resolved. At times, they might turn out to be a blessing in disguise.

When it comes to that which you are dealing with, is it truly the end of the world? Can you imagine how impressed you would be if you bounced back with a better-paying job or a truly satisfying relationship? Instead, you would thank heavens that it indeed happened!

 Wrapping Up

 To get a dose of inspiration to jumpstart your journey in a way that would completely transform your lifestyle, join the likes of Henry and move on to the next goal with your head held high. You will be proud of yourself to have acted on this advice instead of being disappointed. It is not easy to always get what we want in life, but we can work on who we want to be; regardless of what life throws at us. Feel free to share your experiences in the comments section below.

Modern Parenting: What Next When Roles Change for Teacher Parent? Lesson II

It began towards the end of the 1990s in some countries such as those in Africa (much earlier in Western countries). By the year 2000, the parental role change-over was vividly evident in most parts of the world. Dads began to take on a more practical, hands-on approach to childcare and parenting in general. Eventually, it became more deliberate, thereby completing the paradigm shift.

 The product of this shift is the present-day father-the modern dad. Richie is one such dad. He is 30; married with one child (son) aged two years. Richie always tries to beat the traffic in order to be home early and be with his son. He plays with his son on the carpet, and wrestles, or dangles him to the boy’s delight. You would meet them often walking hand in hand around the neighborhood, chatting about anything and he reads to him the best children tell tales. He even soothes him with an appropriate lullaby as he watches him fall asleep. 

Among Richie’s dedicated duties include cuddling his boy to sleep ever since the baby came home. Don’t miss this; Phew! It’s so grueling My friend, Richie confides in me that he has had no better fulfillment in his life. “I simply enjoy being a dad,” Richie says. Richard is to his son, a complete opposite of what traditional dads were to parenting. He’s a friend to his son, a playmate, an approachable child-like guy, and a go-to-dad.

 Today’s dad makes parenting look sexy, fun, and trendy. Gone are the days of arms-length relationships we had with our own fathers. Relationships were so removed; so frosty that one required the humility of a servant to come close to their dad as he sat on his favorite (throne) seat in the living room.

 Welcome the Amiable Modern Dad

 Edgar, 35 is one other modern dad who cherishes modern parenting. He is a hotelier with two children (a son and a daughter). He always drops his children to school every day en route to his place of work; this is a routine he has been doing for the past three years. Edgar loves to engage his kids in conversations. He reckons that his chats with his daughter have helped tremendously in strengthening their relationship further. He notes that his daughter has become more of a friend to him than her mother.

Whereas the modern dad flourishes, on one hand, things are not so rosy for the mother who has largely maintained her traditional status. Well, some aspects of her parenting have certainly changed. For instance, the manner in which she disciplines and communicates with them. However, for the most part, she remains traditional in her motherly character. Parade her alongside the modern dad-and you will be comparing the years 1960 and 2015. She portrays that rudimentary, hardnosed image that has refused to evolve with time. In other words, today’s mother stands on the fringes of the parenting revolution.

 It can pose some headaches doubling up as a parent as well as a teacher. The lesson gathered here is that kids are more attached to their modern dads than to their traditional mum. Why is this? Expert’s Input Experts on psychology concur with the fact that the modern dad is confident and patient. He doesn’t succumb to frustrations quickly.

When it comes to being interactive, the modern dad responds physically while the mother does it emotionally. The relationship between the kids and their modern dad is largely based on fun and play. He wants to smother and soothe them. Their interactions are more physical but less intimate with more emphasis shifted to excitement and humor. This makes a whole world of difference to children.

When it comes to mum-yes! The Traditional mum; protects her kids from any irritant stimuli; while today’s dad heaps it. He is always consistent in producing a wide range of arousals; resulting in ups and downs that force children to stretch physically as well as emotionally. These arousal stretches are what constitute all that makes growing up around today’s ‘modern dad’ such a wonderful delight to his kids.

 So, who is This Modern Dad?

 Paternal revolution: Modern dad is not a trend. He is here to stay; create a cultural paradigm shift in parenting.

·         New pedestal: He no longer has a redefined position and he is a compliment to his wife’s establishment-not a threat! He’s not a substitute either. His wife’s traditional parenting is as crucial to his kids just as his modern approach is.

·         Mutated character: It’s never too late to become a modern dad. It’s easy for a once traditional dad to transform his stereotypical ways on his way to adopting modern parenting.

·         Shower him with compliments: Modern dad expects just a “thanks” from his wife: Mums should not assume or take it for granted that you can order him to babysit while you snap a little snooze. It pays to express your gratitude.

·         Train early: Modern dad establishes his connection very early. His bond starts at the birth of his baby-when he breathes his or her first. Make sure, or insist on his presence in the delivery room. Yes, he can squat in the corner, a little bit away from the gory birth stuff.

 The moral essence of this article heralds the dawn of new parenthood. For traditional dads; this is a wake-up call to begin exploring beyond the limits of stereotype fatherhood. This, you can do while keeping in touch with your own cultural roots. These modern parents include teachers and other role models in society. The teachers of Miami Primary School are good parents.

Does Shaming your Kids in Public Influence their Character? Lesson 1

It has been three years since Jane took to shaming her daughter as a means of meting out punishment on her. Jane reveals that she has repeatedly gathered her daughter’s friends and siblings to her apartment in order to lay bare her misdemeanors; purposely admonishing her. However, Jane’s approach to disciplining her daughter seems to cause more harm than good.

Punitive Shaming Spurs Action

 

The daughter is now completely withdrawn; no longer interested in the friends whom her mother invites. Instead, she bullies them. Furthermore, she has developed some sort of introvert traits. Most often, she keeps to herself and is no longer interested in the company of her usual playmates, her performance in school work is declining- triple stalemate for the mother! Jane reckons that her daughter no longer reaches out to her the way she used to.

 
30-year-old Jane is not alone. Many parents employ the use of public shaming as a means of discipline. In fact, it is an alarming reality that some parents go to the extent of using social media to shame their kids. I am aware of a parent whose son stole some cash from her purse. On discovery, she forced him to hold a placard written: “I stole mum’s money from her purse” She took a snap of it and posted it on her Instagram. She opened her account and showed the boy; telling him that everybody in the world knew what he had done.

Emotional Abuse Upped to Shaming at Social Media Level

 In all likelihood, parents like Jane don’t stop at social media. They yell at their children in public in a bid to punish them. According to a professional child therapist, (Dr. Peggy); shaming a kid goes beyond reprimanding them in public or by mere spanking.

While in pursuit of discipline, parents usually employ other subtler means such as making the kid to feel guilty, source of trouble, deficient, or simply plain dumb. Even something as benign as sighing or rolling up your eyes can be construed as shaming.

Remember, the act of public shaming a child is not confined to parents alone.  My friend, Millicent recently pulled her seven-year-old son from a renowned city academy after he was shamed by his class teacher in front of the entire class. The teacher took to this action because the boy did poorly in a Mathematics questionnaire. The boy alleged that his class teacher made him stand behind his desk, for a whole lesson with his shorts off. His mother was thoroughly enraged and wanted to take legal action against the teacher. Obviously, that was emotional abuse. Some parents do not agree that public shaming of kids is not effective or abusive.

Lorna Kipps, a mother of three girls aged 9, and 11 and13 is one such parent. She opposes the idea that rebuking a child is a form of abuse. She says when children are shamed because of bad behavior, you prevent them from repeating similar mistakes. That’s the way our parents brought us up and we came out fine.

Professional Point of View

 Surprisingly, Dr. Jim Hutt, an experienced psychotherapist says that yelling or rebuking your child occasionally might not diminish their sense of self-esteem or security as long as it is not used as the major means of punishment.

Effective Form of Punishment

Some of the ways you can adopt disciplining your child is by meting out reasonable forms of discipline with long-term beneficial results. Always keep in mind that disciplining your kid for wrong-doing ought to civilize them and never regress their emotional growth. Kids bent on repeating mistakes require consistent means of discipline including a great deal of rewarding good behavior and nurturing as opposed to dwelling on punishing bad habits by means of the cane.

 Undoubtedly, it is not uncommon for a parent to feel pushed to unleash shame on their child. In such a case, it would be worthwhile if you spare a little time to apologize to your kids; in a language, they will easily comprehend. Says Dr. Jim.

·         Final Tidbit: Dr. Jim Hurt sums up thus: “you cannot teach your children that it’s fine to make mistakes, then ignore to admit your own mistakes; worse still, fail to apologize”. But one can’t help thinking that a parent’s principled stance on their children’s behavior represents a failure of imagination. Finding innovative ways to help children to develop character has been the legacy that’s the driving force behind the human personality. Share your thoughts in the comments section below.